Tell out your feelings

When I look in the mirror, I wish I wouldn't see the reflection...not because I feel so ugly, it's because that I see my own misery in my eyes...how much I tried to MAKE myself happy, everything went in vain...no point in trying to do anything, 'cause everything I do...just falls other second...I already know that I'm made for "self-destruction". It's already started and cannot be stopped...sorry for whining here...just had to shout it out - couldn't...so at least wrote it...ya I know, you all hardly care, but anyway...just a little reminder of me~ow, Official Clan's Stupid Bloody Evil Kitty...I thought of it like this, when I'll die a little reminder will still be left here :]

Hey C'mon - say your stuff like that or I'll feel like a jerk(I am)...

I dunno what to say Kitty just... *hugs* I had a hard time. My life most definately does NOT count as easy. I lost a lot, and that also means my heart. Since I was a kid I was treated as different. Either for being the 'cute blond' that was looking preat, but acting too boyish, or later, after I was TRICE almost molested sexualy by people older than me. I say almost, because I was either able to run or they were just teenagers and didn't think about doing anything too... bad. I'm ok saying about it, because I now understand it wasn't my fault. But it changed me for a very long time. And was part of what made me develope this 'dominative' character, that doesn't go well with most guys :/ So, no boyfriends for me, just... 'good friends'. I was still acting very out and easy going, but on the inside I was a compleatly different person. At 16 I had my first encounter with trying to kill myself, fortunately in stupid and unproductive ways. I am awere that I have some problems with depression, and I can get very emotional, it's easy to hurt and anger me. I fight daily with my mom, and she hits me from time to time. My dad was arrested for half a year when I was 15. That's when I layed off school. I had to live with my mom and 1 year old bro. It was killing me,cause me and mom don't get allong, and my bro didn't even know the man who was his father. Now, I am treated as the worse kid, it's always my fault, and I never do enough. But I keep on going. I belive that only week people give up. And I will not be week. Suicide is for cowards. And I am not one. I will be strong, and live to showw them all how wrong they were. I will be betted than them. Even now, it's hard. I won't say what's my problem, but I know I'm different than most, and I know my parents would probably kick me out if they knew. I have health problems, and I can barely walk at the moment. But that's nothing compared to what other people have. So I bravely go on. I belive that only I decide my future. And I will make sure it will be bright and happy. Nothing short of death can stop me. And I do belive, you can be the same. I belive in you. And you should start beliveing in yourself too. There are people who care Kitty, at least a little. And for a start that is enough. I write a journal too. And I often complain in it, but I am not ashamed to talk about it.

Hang on, Kitty. Belive me, it's worth to belive and have a little faith in yourself. *hugs tight*

yeah, you are different...YOU'RE DA BEST...shit...I suppose only girls may dig so much confidence and strength to fight...FROM NOTHING!!!
And where's those powerful men?...fuck it, men is worst race on earth...
Thank you Shinie, I know that I can count on you...you've encouraged me, but still everything mostly depends on me...and I've gave up long time ago...but after your words...you know something 'resurrected' in me :]
*hugs Shinie* I love ya :]

I'm glad it helped, Kitty *hugs* Hang on, and keep on beliveing in yourself. Everyone has a right to complain and fall down from time to time. But we should not stay that way. If you fall, don't let others walk on you. Stand up, and kep on going. :]

0.o And I thought I had it bad...

ok, So I guess most of what I'm feeling is PMS stuff that makes me want to bite off the head of anyone who gets near me. Actually, its goten to the point where I have to take pills so as not to "kill" anyone. It has its uses though, all this anger... I think I write better when I'm feeling some sort of strong emotion but it kinda sucks for my family...

I'm really stressed right now about my homework and my 1.8 GPA. I HATE not being eligable and if I don't bring it above a 2.0 in two weeks, I'm going to be kicked of the Varsity Soccer team. If that happens I'm afraid I'm just going to give up because truthfully, soccer's my only motivation to do ANYTHING right now.

There's also the fact I recently found out my best friend Kai(whom I've had a huge crush on since end of 7th begining of 8th) has been going out with another friend of mine, Shannie since the begining of the year. I feel torn because I want them to be happy but at the same time, the selfish part of me wants them to break up and soon.

...*sigh* not as drastic as all the crap you guys have goin' for a but it's enough for me...

*hugs Sesh* Yeah, I can feel your pain on that 'friend going out with a crush' thing.

And PMS is evil... I usualy try not to log on to any places where I can interact with peole during that time xD I am known to yell, swear, and make people cry/pissed off. Adn ya better not anger me then in real life. I bite, I hit, and I am a visious little shit xD Aint I sweet? :>

You're gonna do good Sesh. Have a little faith And ya know what they say, [at least in Poland] It's the training that makes the Champions *hugs very very tight, both of you*

*huggles back*

heh, I'll try not to ok? Nah, but my anger usually ges back and forth from screamng at someone to doing something like my brother which is focusng on one perticluar person and be constantly on their back about minor little things.

Well, I take that back, I'm not as bad as my brother Robert. His anger shifts are really bad, he's been going to a shrink for a while. Its helping but I wish it would go faster. He's cool though when not in his moods if annoying at times...8th graders *psh*

i have anger and depression problems my therpist isnt sure if its depression or bipolar.....i have had an abusive boyfriend and bad relationships with my parents but so does every other teen in the world so im not that specail..... a few of my friends r bipolar so that makes me maybe being it a lot easier cuz i always have them to talk to.... yup there is a little snap-shot on the inner me

Yay...I'm glad, that I've made ya all and myself tell that shit out, to let other people to hear you. I really hope, that you feel a bit better :] I do :]

So do I to tell you the truth... Thanks for making dis thread kitty ^^ *huggles Alucard*

Yeah, it does help to talk about your problems

Jez, I was once 'diagnosed' with bipolar, but I don't think it was 100% true. I DO have seriou depression problems, and some self-esteem ones. I don't have much people to talk about. But I do have somefriends, that try as much as they can to understand me, and help me, a little. It hels a lot, to have such friends, doesn't it?

*hugs all* I think we all need it

yeah it totaly does. i dont know what i would do without my bipolar friends. that sounds kinda weird but its true like 1 of them is like a brother to me so its really nice to have him *hugs*

Seshtah wrote:So do I to tell you the truth... Thanks for making dis thread kitty ^^ *huggles Alucard*

*hugs back* yay I'm so happy to make thing right this time xD

Group hug all?

...Kill me I'm being idiotic again xD

Grghhhh... idiotidiotidiot.. I was supposed to add the smiles... grrr.. WHEN WILL I FIND TIME TO DO IT ALL!!!!!!

*smacks head for doing Christmas wish-lists on LiveJournal* Grrr.... idiot...

hey Shin, you got other stuff to do >< it's me who's mr don't do anything, btw I've added only one part of 3 possible :] but I'll gonna finish that

Yeah, atleast you have the POSSIBILITY of helping -_- I meanwhile get to sit around on this damn computer that refuses to download thanks to what mah dad did upon the admin file and feel USELESS!!! ...appart for keeping the forum alive through just random talking which IS what I do best I suppose... lol

Sesh! A Random talker is a very important job! No one else could do it! *glomps*

^//^

Like I do that much... I just... well... talk XD mostly. And give out cookies

How I feel about myself, Happy wicked crazy and twisted from time to time. I feel lonely sometime's but i got lots of good friends in life helping having fun. I'm emotional yet you do not see it much on the outside. I carey a big heart with alot of love and devotion to people I hold close in my heart. If someone hurt those people i would go in rage an anger to protect them.

ooooooh...sooooo sweeeet xD bite it man, you're not evil -_- I hate that

O but there is evil toward peolple i don't like. don't question that.
there sure is evil in me. the beast is alive but sleeps most of the time. don't wake it up it. it's an explosion of insane power. the beast is strong and fearless.

hmm well im not usually the type to tell out my feelings but maybe i should. Lately it seems like my level of maturity is going out the window. A few months ago a friend invited me to live with him so i could get away from my mother and not have that "mommy will take of it" pillow. So i moved and things were going great even found my love where i was staying. Then i had to move back home due to some financial issues. thus I've kinda grown back to that "pillow". My lover says im not the person i use to be i don't have that maturity anymore and it kinda hurts. I know she loved me the way i was while i was there and i know she loves me now but at the same time i understand she wants that "man" i once was. What I'm facing at the moment is basically ripping down my foundation again and rebuilding. Honestly it hurts to think that i was once a "man" and now im just a child again. More so because of my love i just want things to be perfect especially for her. ...wow starting to feel better already maybe writting out feelings does help

the child in you should never die. you just need to figure out when the child can be around en when to be mature. this does not go without downfalls but it helps you learn. most things in life you must figure out yourself.

Shadow - great job! And I totally agree with Mals words, we're all kids even when we'll die in elderly age. We do mistakes - we learn, we seems to be all grown up, next second we wish to hug our mommy and ask her to make us a dinner or smth. Isn't that right? :] See how it's easy to write to someone you do not know and after that it's kinda reliefs.

NO GROUP HUGS! -_-