Story

Lol, Sesh you're da best XD

*whines* guys! Are you not giving me feed back because it sucks so much there's not any words for it or what? =(

well Sesh, here's the feedback you wanted...firstly, you know Sesh, it's not the best place to ask for feedback, at least until we get more ppl. Secondly, I like old times stories, but with magic :] or at least not so dark. Your mind expressed perfectly and story is readable, if counting in 10 points, you get all of them for that, but you got probs in MAKING readers understand, what do you mean 7, I think. It's not fantastics, middle age preferably and kinda "NO BEGINNING" freaks me out, 6 for it. No grammatical mistakes, that totally good :] well to sum everything up, your story is not so bad, but I lurv happy endings XD your - not ><

Good Job Sesh, C'MON make me read one more XD

ebony bangs falling into her hazel green eyes. She closed her eyes as if to block the panic that was starting to overwhelm her

I'd change the secound eyes to just 'them' That's word repeating

Mira straitened amusement dancing in her eyes

doesn't it need a coma after 'straitened'?

Overall the story is great After what Alucard sid, I thought it would be really dark and depressive, but I've seen way worse, and this one was rather.. mild. And that's good, because too much darkness and depression can ruin a story Other than the two above 'mistakes' I didn't find anything. The story doesn't go on, and bore the reader. Ot's interesting, and makes you want more. But I think the ending was too.. sudden. One moment he was talking to her, and promising to get them out, the secound he was dead. Usualy, people can feel if they are going to die, so it just seamed strange. If I might suggest something, it would look better, if he just fell asleap, and the next 'day' when she woke up, she found him dead. It is kind of usual that badly hurt people don't last the night

As I said the story is great, and I'd give it 9 out of 10. I wanna see more! Will there be more, Sesh? WIll the girl seak revange on the knights that killed her brother? More!

OH YOU!!!! You didn't cared until I feedbacked XD *hugs Shinie* love ya anyway :] and I quite agree with Shinie XD btw make more magic in continue XD MORE MORE MORE MAGIC! Sorry, caps sickness XD

Nosferatu_Shinigami wrote: I wanna see more! Will there be more, Sesh? WIll the girl seak revange on the knights that killed her brother? More!

er guys? It's called a SHORT stpry for a reason...that's it...

wow, you know...I even felt like I'm there and that I see everyone, great story. Just one little suggestion or maybe I'd better call it request...anyway, please stop centering your tales, it just freaks me off >< and could you write without those pescy spaces between lines? Please!

Keep up the good work Sesh!

Wow, awsome Sesh! The fighting scene was great! I enjoyed it, and am waiting for more

Dos this mean I get cookies now?

Hmmm... oh, ok ^___^ *gives Sesh a cookie*

woot! ^^

xDDDDD *munches on cookies* Kitty still is baned from them... but if he behaves... he might get them back... soon... *munch munch*

ha ha kitty ^^

Happy (late) Thanksgiving guys XD lookie what I wrote you!

7 years later…

A shadow stole into the village, bare feet making little noise on the hard packed earth. Carefully, it made its way to the well, which lay in the center of the village square. A small clay jar was removed from the interior of the rags hiding the figure’s body and face and placed it upon the very edge of the well as they began to lower the bucket into the shadowy depths.

The figure had just filled the jar and was beginning to creep away again when the tavern door opened and light poured out of it, catching the figure off guard.

“You! How dare you come back to our village after what you did!”

More people emerged from the smoky interior and desperately the figure turned to flee but its hood was grabbed and pulled back to reveal a girl child’s face. She appeared to be about seven or so, explaining why she had seemed so small. Short, untamed silvery hair fell around her porcelain face, creating an interesting mix, but her most striking features were her eyes. Pale blue, they were almost white and were far older than any child’s eyes should have been.

“What are you doing back here?” Merciless words and stares began to circulate through the small crowd that was beginning to from.

“She has gone too far this time, I caught her attempting to poison the well!” Shouted the man who held her in his grasp, shaking her and causing spots to dance across the child’s eyes.

“No I wasn’t I was--” the girl started

A hand struck her across the face, a red mark appearing on her cheek.

“Liar” He hissed, holding her up by the scruff of her neck. Her jar of water was wrenched from her fingers and smashed on the ground, its contents slowly sinking into the earth.

“What was that?” he demanded

“Water I drew from the well.” she whimpered,

“And what were you going to do with that water?”

“Drink it…”

“Ha!”

“I wouldn’t poison the well, I swear by all the gods!” she pleaded desperately tears forming in her eyes. She was struck again and she cried out in pain,

“How dare you sully the name of the gods with your filthy mouth!” the man raised his voice again.

“We must cleanse the village and kill the demon by sending her back through the fire from where she came!” Yells of assent followed this statement.

“No!” the child screamed. “Please! I’ve never done anything wrong! Please!”

No one paid any attention to her until--

“Enough!”

Shouted a strange voice. Before most of the villagers had registered this, a figure cloaked in white with green bands at the hem of the robe and sleeves had gone halfway through their midst.

“Who are you?”

The hood was removed and a woman with long ebony hair and green eyes stared her questioner down

“I am a priestess of Ildia and this child is no demon.”

Silence met her words, as Ildia was the goddess of all things living and her priestess were respected by all those who did not wish the wrath of the goddess of life and fertility.

“She is a demon, she killed the couple who took her in!” The man cried causing the priestess to raise a brow, “Oh? How? She seems to be but a child to me.”

“She sent a sickness to our village and--”

The priestess shook her head,

“You blame an abandoned child for a sickness? If she truly had this power, I think she would have killed all of you by now.”

“Our faith in the gods is strong.” the man said as if this was an obvious answer,

“So strong that you would kill an innocent little girl?”

The priestess’s voice was sad, “As it seems there is no place for here I shall take her back to the temple where she will be cared for.”

“But-” he started

“Do you wish to challenge my authority?” There was iron in the priestess's voice that made the girl shiver.

The man hesitated then, “…No priestess.”

Sullenly, he let go of the girl who bit her lip and looked up at the priestess. Gently, the priestess took the child’s hand and knelt down next to her.

“Don’t be afraid.” She whispered and the girl swore a green eye winked at her. Rising once more, the priestess guided the child out of the crowd of villagers who parted before them...

And a happy Thanksgiving to you too! ^__^

Great story! Ughhhh... I so wanted to HIT that idiot of a man! >_< *bites him* But anyway, great, and I don't have anything to complain about

OMG!!!!!!! CONTINUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! I WANT MORE!!!! Danr, you made me addicted to your story...it's just awesome! NO! It's UBER-HYPER-SUPER AWESOME!!!!!!! No shit I don't like in stories, only that I like :]

P.S. Could you kill someone please in next part? :]

^///^ glad you guys like it

Kill someone? *blinks* Maybe in a later chapter o impatient-for-violence-one? XP We'll see m'kay? (translate this as: if I remember when I write it XD lol)

(( Hey lookie! Its another update! XP ))

Once they were among the trees, the priestess sighed and faced the child.

“You got yourself into quite a mess didn’t you?”

She continued before a response could be given, “So, what’s your name little one?”

“Demon.”

“No, that’s what the idiots in the village called you, what’s your name?”

“I don’t have one, they just called me ‘girl’ or ‘you’…and Demon.”

“Is there anything you WANT to be called?”

The girl shook her head, hiding behind her bangs. The priestess sighed,

“Well, I’m called Th- I mean Malene.” She studied the girl thoughtfully then said, “What about Riven? Riven…Loore. Do you like that name?”

The child nodded slowly, “I like that name.” she said and Malene smiled, “I’m glad…Riven.”

She looked up and whistled. A bush rustled nearby and the girl, Riven, turned expecting to see the villagers but a gray mare appeared in the foliage and made its way over to Malene. “This is probably a dumb question but, can you ride?”

Riven shook her head, a worried look on her face.

“I’m sorry.” She started but Malene shook her head, “Don’t apologize, when have you had the opportunity to learn?”

Riven looked doubtful, and Malene sighed. “Do you honestly think I’m going to punish you for something you’ve never learned to do?”

“They did back in the village.” Riven said quietly and Malene looked at her sharply, “What?”

“They…they beat me for it sometimes before I started living in the forest, then it was limited to the times they managed to catch me when I was getting water.” Riven said, voice still quiet but she was sending wary glances Malene’s way. “Will you?”

Malene frowned at the question, “Will I what?”

“Beat me?”

“Oh honey…” She knelt down and drew Riven into a hug. Riven flinched before simply standing still, “I will never, ever beat you.” She said, running her fingers through Riven’s silver hair, “I promise in the name of She-who-rules-life, Ildia”

Tentatively, Riven hugged Malene back and a small smile lit the solemn child’s face “Ok” She said softly. “But you should know something.” The smile disappeared and she pulled away from Malene’s embrace.“They were right, I am a demon. I can see and do…impossible things.” She shook her head and Malene frowned,

“What do you mean?”

“I …I can see people who aren’t really here. I tried to tell Moran, the man holding me back there, that I didn’t kill anyone, they just walked away but they were still there.”

She shook her head again,

“I hear things, voices of people I don’t know. They’re in my head and they won’t leave, they talk to me and I don’t want to answer but they grow so loud.”

Tears filled Riven’s eyes but she kept talking.

“Shadows, they press in on me, like dogs that always want to be petted, they like me and when its dark and everyone complains they can’t see, I’m just fine. They shape themselves for me and they talk to me too, but its different, their voices are different…what’s wrong with me?” Her last statement was a plea. Riven looked up, tears streaming down her cheeks, looking eerily like a crying, ragged angel. Malene smiled despite the strange since of foreboding that was growing inside of her,

“You’re not evil, you have magic, and a strong gift at that. Necromancy and shadow manipulation is what it sounds like.” A text floated to the front of her mind about a child that would control these powers and her eyes widened suddenly. No, it was impossible. Could this little girl be…?

“Let me see your wrist.”

Malene said suddenly and Riven offered her bandaged right arm. The bandages were unwound and her wrist was very bruised, with what seemed to be a black handprint that must be very painful as well as some scratches. There was nothing there. Nothing was on the other wrist either apart from more scratches and bruises. Malene sighed, although weather it was relief or disappointment she was unsure.

“What are you looking for?”

“A mark, a birthmark of sorts but it appears you don’t have one…”

Riven looked troubled for a moment then asked, “Do you mean this?” She sat on the ground and unwound the bandaging on her left foot. Around her ankle twined a black dragon with the five-pointed star in its mouth.

“Yes, I meant that.” Malene said and she sat down at well, smiling distractedly as her horse nuzzled the side of her face.

“What does it mean?”

“It means…” Malene began slowly,

“…That those villagers were stupider than I thought…”

OMG! Do you rewrite it from a book or something???? It's so fucking interesting!!! I Like last words the most...
“…That those villagers were stupider than I thought…” LMAO
MORE!!!! *hungry for story*
Just don't push yourself Sesh! Do it when only you can and want

nope, all original work XP

Thanks Kitty ^^ oh and trust me, I have a couple fight scenes in mind just not yet...

mmmm, to post or not to post, that is the question...there may even be a minor fight in this one... XP